Saturday, December 19, 2009

My Mother Taught Me

**I Owe My Mother**


 1. **_My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE _**. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."


2. **_My mother taught me RELIGION_**. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet.."


3. **_My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_**. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. **_My mother taught me LOGIC_**. " Because I said so, that's why."


5. **_My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_** . "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


6. **_My mother taught me FORESIGHT_**. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7. **_My mother taught me IRONY_**. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."


8. **_My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS _**. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. **_My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_**. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"


10. **_My mother taught me about STAMINA_** . "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. **_My mother taught me about WEATHER_**. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."


12. **_My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_**. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13. **_My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_**.. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."


14. **_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION _**. "Stop acting like your father!"


15. **_My mother taught me about ENVY_**. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. **_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_**. "Just wait until we get home."


17. **_My mother taught me about RECEIVING _**. "You are going to get it when you get home!"


18. **_My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_**. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."


19. **_My mother taught me ESP_**. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. **_My mother taught me _HUMOUR.** "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


21. **_My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT _**. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. **_My mother taught me GENETICS_**. "You're just like your father."


*23. **_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_**. "Shut that door behind you... Do you think you were born in a barn?"


24. **_My mother taught me WISDOM_**. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. **_My mother taught me about JUSTICE _**. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

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